'My mother helped me get here': Prince Harry says he feels

'My mother helped me get here': Prince Harry says he feels Diana's presence with him in California and believes she would be 'incredibly proud' of him for living the life she 'always wanted for herself'

• Prince Harry, 36, spoke to Oprah Winfrey about his mother Princess Diana
• Told Oprah he thinks mother would be 'proud' of the life he is living and that it's the one 'she wanted to live'
• He also revealed he believes Diana 'helped me get here' and says he feels her 'presence' in California

By STEPHANIE LINNING FOR MAILONLINE

PUBLISHED: 17:26 AEST, 21 May 2021 | UPDATED: 18:48 AEST, 21 May 2021

 

Prince Harry revealed he thinks Princess Diana would be 'incredibly proud' of him and says he feels her 'presence' with him in California.

Speaking in a series of interviews with Oprah Winfrey for five-part AppleTV+ series The Me You Can't See, Harry said: 'I'm living the life that she wanted to live for herself. Living the life that she wanted us to be able to live.'

The Duke of Sussex, 36, said he believes his late mother 'helped him get here' and that he's 'never felt her presence more' than he has over the last year living in California with Meghan, 39, and Archie, two.

 

Prince Harry spoke about the important role his mother continues to play in his life, revealing Archie has a photo of Diana in his bedroom and that one of his first words was 'grandma'.

Harry also said he thought Diana was 'chased to death' and that he could see clear parallels between her and Meghan before their decision to leave the UK.

 

Prince Harry says he feels Diana's presence with him in California

 

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Prince Harry revealed he thinks Princess Diana would be 'incredibly proud' of him as he opened up about feeling her 'presence' with him in California. Pictured, in the series

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The Duke of Sussex, 36, said he believes his late mother 'helped him get here' and that he's 'never felt her presence more' than he has over the last year living in California with Meghan, 39, and Archie, two. Pictured, with William and Diana in London in 1995

The couple now live in a mansion in Montectio, California, and are expecting a daughter together this summer.

Reflecting on the move, he said: 'Making this move was really scary. At every possible opportunity the forces working against us tried to make it impossible. Did I expect to find ourselves in this situation so quickly? No. I think we've done a really good job.

'I have no regrets. It's really sad but I have no regrets at all because now I'm at a place where I think I should have been four years ago...

'Now we've got a beautiful little boy who keeps us busy, keeps us running around, he makes us laugh every day. We've got two dogs. And another little baby girl on the way. I never dreamt that.

 

'I have no doubt my Mum would be incredibly proud of me. I'm living the life that she wanted to live for herself. Living the life that she wanted us to be able to live.

'Not only do I know that she's incredibly proud of me, but that she's helped me get here. And I've never felt her presence more than I have over the last year. I wish she could have met Meghan. I wish she was around for Archie.'

He continued: 'I got a photo of her in his nursery, and it was one of the first words that he said — apart from "mama", "papa", it was then "grandma". Grandma Diana.

'It's the sweetest thing, but at the same time, it makes me really sad because she should be here.'

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Harry said of Archie's words: 'It's the sweetest thing, but at the same time, it makes me really sad because she should be here'. Pictured, Archie swinging on a garden swing

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Playful Archie bends down to walk underneath Prince Harry's legs in a sweet beach moment

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Meghan Markle embraces Archie in a moment shared on the AppleTV+ mental health series

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The toddler is seen carrying a dog toy while the family spend time together on the beach

In one clip in the programme believed to have been taken in the grounds of the Santa Barbara mansion, the toddler can be seen sitting on a swing with his back facing the camera, while another person, believed to be Prince Harry, can be seen swinging alongside him.

Elsewhere in the documentary series, the couple included colour footage first seen in black-and-white during their explosive Oprah interview, which shows their son Archie running along a beach with Meghan Markle, 39.

However, in both moments, royal fans will only be able to get a glimpse of Archie's face. It comes days after royal fans were left disappointed over not seeing Archie properly after Meghan and Harry released a new picture of their son to celebrate his second birthday.

In a series of candid interviews with Oprah Winfrey, the Duke of Sussex said he and his wife felt abandoned by his relatives and this was one of their 'biggest reasons' for leaving for California last year, insisting he had 'no regrets' about his decision.

He said: 'Certainly now I will never be bullied into silence', adding: 'I thought my family would help, but every single ask, request, warning, whatever it is, just got met with total silence, total neglect. We spent four years trying to make it work. We did everything that we possibly could to stay there and carry on doing the role and doing the job. But Meghan was struggling.'

He added: 'That feeling of being trapped within the family, there was no option to leave. Eventually when I made that decision for my family, I was still told, "You can't do this", And it's like, "Well how bad does it have to get until I am allowed to do this?". She [Meghan] was going to end her life. It shouldn't have to get to that.'

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Harry said his family tried to prevent him and Megan from leaving when she was having suicidal thoughts

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Prince Harry opened up about his family and his mental health in the chat with Oprah

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Oprah Winfrey cries as she speaks to Harry in a film the pair both helped produce

Harry described how his wife first told him she wanted to kill herself, while six months pregnant with Archie, on the way to the Royal Albert Hall in London in January 2019, and she spoke to him of the 'practicalities of how she was going to end her life'. Harry said it reminded him of his mother's final weeks in 1997.

He said: 'Meghan decided to share with me the suicidal thoughts and the practicalities of how she was going to end her life', adding that she later decided against it because she didn't want Harry to lose 'another woman in my life'.

The Duke said 'history was repeating itself', because Princess Diana was with Dodi Fayed, who was Egyptian by birth, when she died in 1997, saying there was a real fear that he would lose Meghan too.

'History was repeating itself,' he told Oprah. 'My mother was chased to her death while she was in a relationship with someone who wasn't white. And now look what's happened. It's incredibly triggering to potentially lose another woman in my life. Like, the list is growing. And it all comes back to the same people, the same business model, the same industry,' he said.

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Prince Harry explained he had a photo of Princess Diana in Archie's nursery. Pictured, a young Prince Harry and Prince William with Princess Diana in 1995

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Prince Harry has revealed his sadness that his son Archie will never get to meet his late mother, Princess Diana, claiming that her name was among the youngster's first words. Pictured, a shot of Archie and Meghan on the beach from the mental health interview

The Duke binged on alcohol and drugs to cope with the death of his mother, saying that being in London is a 'trigger' for his 'anxiety', and describes how how he is still haunted by the 'sound of the horse's hooves going along The Mall' as his mother's coffin passed him.

Harry also used the five-part renew his criticisms of his father's parenting, and how the Queen had also brought up Charles, insisting he had to quit as a frontline royal to 'break the cycle'.

He said: 'My father used to say to me when I was younger, he used to say to both William and I, 'Well, it was like that for me so it's going to be like that for you,' Harry says, 'That doesn't make sense. Just because you suffered, that doesn't mean your kids have to suffer. In fact, quite the opposite. If you suffered, do everything you can to make sure that whatever negative experiences you had, you can make it right for your kids.'

'Isn't this all about breaking the cycle?' he asked, rhetorically. 'Isn't this all about making sure that history doesn't repeat itself.'

As Harry insisted he still wanted 'reconciliation' with his family despite his repeated attacks and that 'therapy has equipped me to be able to take on anything'.

 

'It was like that for me so it's going to be like that for you': Harry criticizes his father Charles for continuing the cycle of generational suffering

In the third episode of the series, Harry talks about how his family would not discuss their feelings, leading to more 'generational suffering.'

'My father used to say to me when I was younger, he used to say to both William and I, 'Well, it was like that for me so it's going to be like that for you,' Harry says, 'That doesn't make sense. Just because you suffered, that doesn't mean your kids have to suffer. In fact, quite the opposite. If you suffered, do everything you can to make sure that whatever negative experiences you had, you can make it right for your kids.'

'Isn't this all about breaking the cycle?' he asked, rhetorically. 'Isn't this all about making sure that history doesn't repeat itself.'

He said in an interview with Dax Shephard before the series aired he doesn't blame anyone, 'but certainly when it comes to parenting, if I've experienced some form of pain or suffering because of the pain or suffering that perhaps my father or my parents had suffered, I'm going to make sure I break that cycle so that I don't pass it on, basically.

'It's a lot of genetic pain and suffering that gets passed on anyway so we as parents should be doing the most we can to try and say 'you know what, that happened to me, I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen to you'.'

He added: 'I never saw it, I never knew about it, and then suddenly I started to piece it together and go 'OK, so this is where he went to school, this is what happened, I know this about his life, I also know that is connected to his parents so that means he's treated me the way he was treated, so how can I change that for my own kids'.

'And here I am, I moved my whole family to the US, that wasn't the plan but sometimes you've got make decisions and put your family first and put your mental health first.'

 

'This is my mum. You haven't even met her': Harry hit out at mourners at Diana's funeral who showed 'ten times' as much emotion as he could

In the first episode of the Apple TV+ series, the Duke of Sussex recounts how he was only allowed to show 'one-tenth of the emotion everyone else was feeling,' making him angry as he saw strangers on the street crying over Diana's death.

'This was my mother,' he said, 'you never even met her.'

The prince has previously spoken of the emotional turmoil he faced after his mother was killed in a Paris car crash in 1997, saying he spent nearly two decades 'not thinking' about her death before eventually getting help after a period of 'total chaos'.

He said on the show he was discouraged from talking about his mother's death, and when people would ask him how he was feeling, he said, 'fine was the easy answer.'

 

Prince Harry suffered panic attacks and binged on drugs and drink for years to deal with his mother's death - and says Meghan encouraged him to start therapy

But, the prince said in his new show, by the time he was 28 he would 'freak out' whenever he saw a camera flash or he had to get into a car, and over the weekends he 'probably drank a week's worth in a single day.'

He admitted he had tried drugs and alcohol to numb his pain, not realizing at the time that was what he was doing, and when people close to him told him to seek help, he would say he did not need help.

It wasn't until he met Meghan, he said in the second episode, that he decided he needed help.

'I knew that if I didn't do the therapy and fix myself that I was going to lose this woman who I could see spending the rest of my life with,' he said, recounting how Meghan first suggested he go to therapy after they got into an argument.

He said he realized early on in therapy that he had never processed the loss of his mother, and was projecting that grief onto others.

'That was the start of a learning journey for me,' he said. 'I became aware that I had been living in a bubble within this family, within this institution and I was sort of almost trapped in that sort of thought process or mindset.'

 

Six-month pregnant Meghan shared with Harry HOW she was going to kill herself before they attended charity function at Royal Albert Hall captured in now infamous squeezing hand pictures

Harry recalled in the second episode how difficult it was for Meghan to adjust to royal life as an outsider, noting, 'There was a lot of learning in the beginning of our relationship.'

Soon after the relationship started, he said, Meghan was in the proverbial spotlight, with cameras following the couple around.

'It made my blood boil,' he said. 'It makes me angry. It takes me back to my mum, to what I experienced as a kid.'

Making the situation worse, he said, were negative comments on social media.

'I thought my family would help,' Harry told Oprah, 'but every single ask, request, warning, whatever, it is just got met with total silence, total neglect.

'We spent four years trying to make it work. We did everything that we possibly could to stay there and carry on doing the role and doing the job. But Meghan was struggling.'

Before they walked into the Royal Albert Hall in London for a charity event when Meghan was already six months pregnant, gripping each others hands, Harry said on the show, 'Meghan decided to share with me the suicidal thoughts and the practicalities of how she was going to end her life.

'I'm somewhat ashamed of the way that I dealt with it,' he said, 'and of course because of the system that we were in and the responsibilities and the duties that we had, we had a quick cuddle and then we had to get changed and had to jump into a convoy with a police escort and drive to the Royal Albert Hall for a charity event.'

'There wasn't an option to say, 'You know what, tonight we're not going to go, because just imagine the stories that come from that,' he said, recounting how once the lights dim Meghan started to cry and he felt ashamed he could not go to his family.

 

Prince Harry told Oprah that Meghan didn't kill herself because she didn't want him to lose another woman he loved

Harry said in an interview with Oprah that the only thing preventing Meghan from killing herself was the thought that it would be unfair to him to lose another woman he loved in his life while also pregnant with their baby.

'The scariest thing for her was her clarity of thought,' he said. 'She hadn't lost it. She wasn't crazy. She wasn't self-medicating, be it through pills or by alcohol. She was absolutely sober. She was completely sane.

'Yet in the quiet of night, these thoughts woke her up.'

He says he now would like to focus on his son, Archie, 'rather than every time I look in his eyes wonder whether my wife is going to end up like my mother, and I'm going to have to look after him myself.'

'That was one of the main reasons to leave,' Harry said.

 

Prince Harry says Royals tried to STOP him and Meghan leaving after 'she was going to end her life'

But, the prince said, his family tried to stop him and Meghan from leaving, even as she was supposedly feeling suicidal.

'That feeling of being trapped within the family, there was no option to leave. Eventually when I made that decision for my family, I was still told, 'You can't do this.' And it's like, 'Well how bad does it have to get until I am allowed to do this?' She [Markle] was going to end her life. It shouldn't have to get to that.'

He said his biggest regret was not taking a stand earlier in his relationship with Markle, claiming a barrage of attacks on her won't stop 'until she dies.

'It's incredibly triggering to potentially lose another woman in my life,' Harry said in the interview with Oprah. 'Like the list is growing, and it all comes back to the same people, the same business model, the same industry.'

 

Harry claims Royals showed 'total neglect' for his and 'struggling' Meghan's mental

The Duke of Sussex said on the Apple TV+ series he thought his family would help as Meghan started claiming she felt suicidal, but instead he was 'met with total silence, total neglect.'

'We spent four years trying to make it work,' he says on the show. 'We did everything that we possibly could to stay there and carry on doing the role and doing the job. But Meghan was struggling.'

He said the way Meghan was feeling reminded him of his own mother's final days.

'History was repeating itself,' he said in an interview with Oprah. 'My mother was chased to her death while she was in a relationship with someone who wasn't white. And now look what's happened.

Ultimately, he claimed, he and Meghan had to leave the U.K. to 'put our mental health first.'

'That's what we're doing,' the prince said, 'and that's what we'll continue to do.'

 

Harry says he was 'worried and afraid' to return to the UK for Prince Philip's funeral

The Duke of Sussex admitted he was anxious to return to the UK for Prince Philip's funeral last month.

'I was worried about it, I was afraid,' Harry told The Associated Press during a recent joint interview with Oprah Winfrey to promote a mental-health series they co-created and co-executive produced for Apple TV+.

He was able to work through any trepidation using coping skills learned in therapy.

'It definitely made it a lot easier, but the heart still pounds,' said Harry, the Duke of Sussex and grandson of Britain's Queen Elizabeth II and her late husband Philip.

Prince Harry says Meghan Markle did not kill herself because she didn't want him to lose 'another woman in my life'

Prince Harry has told Oprah Winfrey that his wife Meghan Markle was only prevented from killing herself by concern over him 'losing another woman in my life'.

In his new docuseries, The Me You Can't See, Harry opens up about the night Markle told him she was suicidal.

The pair had been married for less than a year and she was pregnant with their son Archie when, in January 2019, she told him she was deeply depressed.

Markle first revealed the trauma of that night in her March interview with Winfrey.

'She was completely sane, yet at the quiet of night, these thoughts woke her up,' Harry said.

'The thing that stopped her from seeing it through was how unfair it would be on me after everything that had happened to my mum and to now to be put in a position of losing another woman in my life — with a baby inside of her, our baby.'

Harry said that he did not know how to handle her confession.

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Harry and Meghan are pictured on January 16, 2019 - the night she told him she was suicidal

'I'm somewhat ashamed of the way that I dealt with them,' he said.

'And of course, because of the system that we were in and the responsibilities and the duties that we had, we had a quick cuddle and then we had to get changed to jump in a convoy with a police escort and drive to the Royal Albert Hall for a charity event. Then step out into a wall of cameras and pretend as though everything's okay.

'There wasn't an option to say, 'you know what, tonight, we're not going to go' because just imagine the stories that come from that.'

The prince, whose new series airs on Apple TV+ from May 20, told Winfrey he feared 'history repeating itself' after he began dating Markle , and was reminded of his mother being pursued to her death while she was dating 'someone who wasn't white'.

Diana, the princess of Wales, died in 1997 alongside Egyptian film producer Dodi Al Fayed, who she had been dating for several months.

Harry said he felt there were parallels in their stories when he followed in his mother's footsteps and began dating a person of color.

'My mother was chased to her death while she was in a relationship with someone who wasn't white,' he said.

'And now look what's happened.

'It's incredibly triggering to potentially lose another woman in my life. Like, the list is growing.

'And it all comes back to the same people, the same business model, the same industry.'

In the candid interview, the prince discusses his failure to process the grief from the death of his mother; the helplessness he felt when he struggled to protect her; and his dependence on drugs and alcohol to numb the pain.

He spoke of his anxiety and sense of being trapped in the palace, and his family's refusal to help when Meghan felt suicidal.

He said therapy helped him 'break the cycle.'

'For me, therapy has equipped me to be able to take on anything,' he said.

He says his family tried to prevent him and Meghan from leaving when she was suicidal and admits to drinking and doing drugs in his 30s.

'Eventually when I made that decision for my family, I was still told, 'You can't do this,' Harry told Winfrey.

'And it's like, 'Well how bad does it have to get until I am allowed to do this?'

'She [Markle] was going to end her life. It shouldn't have to get to that.'

When asked if he has any regrets, he says it is not taking a stand earlier in his relationship with Markle.

Harry told Winfrey that the trauma from his childhood ran deep.

'I always wanted to be normal, as opposed to being Prince Harry, just being Harry,' he says.

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Diana, Princess of Wales, is seen with Dodi Al Fayed in St Tropez on August 22, 1997

'It was a puzzling life and, unfortunately, when I think about my mum the first thing that comes to mind is always the same one, over and over again: Strapped in the car, seatbelt across. My brother in the car as well, and my mother driving and being chased by three, four, five mopeds with paparazzi on.'

He said that his mother was vulnerable, exposed, and given no support.

'She was almost unable to drive because of the tears, there was no protection,' he recalled.

'One of the feelings that come up is helplessness. Being too young, being a guy too young to be able to help a woman, in this case, your mother.

'And that happened every single day until the day she died.'

The 36-year-old, who began dating Markle in 2016 and married her in 2018, said that he has been seeing a therapist for the past four years.

He told Winfrey that he found it incredibly beneficial, and the process helped him deal with the trauma of his mother's death.

He explained that he simply tried to push his mother from his mind.

'I don't want to think about her, because if I think about her then it's going to bring up the fact that I can't bring her back and it's just going to make me sad,' he said.

'What's the point in thinking about something sad, what's the point of thinking about someone that you've lost and you're never going to get back again.

'And I just decided not to talk about it.'

In his 20s and early 30s the prince self-medicated with alcohol and drugs, he has revealed.

'Towards my late 20s, I was starting to ask questions of should I really be here? That was when I suddenly started going, 'You can't keep hiding from this.''

He said his family could not understand his attitude, and his need to deal with the grief.

'Family members have said just play the game and your life will be easier,' Harry told Winfrey.

'But I have a hell of a lot of my mum in me. I feel as though I am outside of the system but I'm still stuck there.

'The only way to free yourself and break out is to tell the truth.'

He said that the attention he and his wife get 'makes my blood boil'.

The prince explained: 'We get followed. Photographed, chased, harassed. The clicking of cameras and the flashes of the cameras makes my blood boil.

'It makes me angry and takes me back to what happened to my mom and what I experienced as a kid.

'Not just traditional media, but also social media platforms as well. I felt completely helpless.'

 

 

 

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Prince Harry says he feels Diana's presence with him in California